Slowly getting healthier...

After hearing the news that my dad had colon cancer, I knew I needed to make some changes. Who knows what was the cause for his colon cancer but the fact that he had end stage and was 63 when he passed away just hit me...63 is just too young to pass away.

I have been the type where a new year begins and I make New Year's resolutions but never keep them. I turned 30 and thought, "okay, this is it, I will finally get it together". I now am 33 and it took having my dad die 3 months ago to finally get the motivation I have been lacking for so many years. I have lacked the motivation honestly to make the commitment and actually keep it.

I have worked on changing my portion sizes, trying to eat out less, eliminating pop entirely from my diet, drinking a lot of green smoothies and trying to avoid too much processed foods....which means more cooking but it's been fun to try new recipes and new ingredients. In the process I have lost 25 pounds and reached one goal for myself...I have a long way to go honestly but I feel like my head is finally there and I am slowly figuring it out :)

The ban on adoption

As some of you may recall, back in December there was a ban put into place for adoptions in Russia. The ban stopped 300 adoptions from being able to proceed of children in orphanages and mental institutions. 300 adoptions of families who had chosen a child, met the child and had not passed court yet....but it didn't just stop 300 adoptions; it stopped any adoptions from occurring in the future. 

Some families have made the heart wrenching decision to choose another country in Eastern Europe so they can still adopt and others have made the decision to try and keep fighting for the children they have chosen by writing letters to Senators, Representatives and the President with hopes that they will help get the discussion going again and get the ban overturned. 

There is a Facebook page and they are trying to get likes on the page. They are trying to show that this is important and maybe if we can show it is important, then maybe positive change will come. I ask you to please consider liking this page: 300 Broken Promises After you like it, please share it with your friends and lets help spread the word. 

The last few days I have written up a new blog post, posted them and even shared one on Facebook only to delete all evidence of having written them. I feel like this is a place for me to write about how I am feeling about everything...the good, the bad and the ugly of my life. Unfortunately not everyone agrees. I guess the ugly things that have happened in my life should be forgiven and forgotten about. People in my life who have hurt me whether intentional or not have been forgiven but I cannot forget what has happened in my life. Maybe some people out there can forget about things done to them but that is something that I struggle with. How can I forget a time in my life that changed me and made me fearful of so many things? 

I feel like this is my place to write what's on my mind and if you don't like it, then don't read it. Honestly, some of these posts are to help me. I have come to realize that there are certain things that I cannot talk about with certain people in my life without being criticized in the process. If I can't talk to people about it, then I'm going to have to write what's on my mind because in order for me to move past certain things, I need to get it out. 

We have done a lot of different trainings for foster care. A recurring theme in these trainings is children in our care can be doing very well for years and all of a sudden something will trigger a memory or something and they can regress and be fearful and act out as a result of the trigger. I have learned that this is an issue for me. I am trying to figure out how to protect myself in the future and still have a relationship with people in my life who have hurt me. I am at fault for many things and wish I could change things for many reasons and I hope anyone I have hurt can forgive me. 

I needed to write this and actually post it. My intent is to never hurt anyone...my goal is to move forward. The last few months have been hard. I feel like I start moving forward and then I remember my dad is gone and I take a few steps back. Losing a parent sucks. It will get easier somehow and in the meantime I am just going to try and keep taking it a day at a time.