The last few days I have written up a new blog post, posted them and even shared one on Facebook only to delete all evidence of having written them. I feel like this is a place for me to write about how I am feeling about everything...the good, the bad and the ugly of my life. Unfortunately not everyone agrees. I guess the ugly things that have happened in my life should be forgiven and forgotten about. People in my life who have hurt me whether intentional or not have been forgiven but I cannot forget what has happened in my life. Maybe some people out there can forget about things done to them but that is something that I struggle with. How can I forget a time in my life that changed me and made me fearful of so many things? 

I feel like this is my place to write what's on my mind and if you don't like it, then don't read it. Honestly, some of these posts are to help me. I have come to realize that there are certain things that I cannot talk about with certain people in my life without being criticized in the process. If I can't talk to people about it, then I'm going to have to write what's on my mind because in order for me to move past certain things, I need to get it out. 

We have done a lot of different trainings for foster care. A recurring theme in these trainings is children in our care can be doing very well for years and all of a sudden something will trigger a memory or something and they can regress and be fearful and act out as a result of the trigger. I have learned that this is an issue for me. I am trying to figure out how to protect myself in the future and still have a relationship with people in my life who have hurt me. I am at fault for many things and wish I could change things for many reasons and I hope anyone I have hurt can forgive me. 

I needed to write this and actually post it. My intent is to never hurt anyone...my goal is to move forward. The last few months have been hard. I feel like I start moving forward and then I remember my dad is gone and I take a few steps back. Losing a parent sucks. It will get easier somehow and in the meantime I am just going to try and keep taking it a day at a time.