Yesterday was a big home visit with our resource worker, the assistant for the GAL and the CASA worker for our foster baby. The CASA worker is a volunteer who stays on the case until permanency has been established whether that is reunification with the family or adoption and the GAL is a lawyer who represents the child in state care. Here is Colorado the GAL's have assistants so most of the time that is who comes and does home visits with foster families...although I was told that if the case is a hard one, then the GAL personally comes out for the visits.
Anyway, something that I have been struggling with lately is getting attached to our little one in our care. We talked about this yesterday and I ended up breaking down and felt so, so embarrassed as a result. I do not like letting my guard down like that...if it would have just been our resource worker (who comes out and makes sure we are getting everything done in a timely manner for our foster care license), then it would have been no big deal. I feel like I can let my guard down with her and she won't judge me. Thankfully everyone was very supportive and ultimately told me that they ask foster parents to do the impossible...get attached to a foster child and love them like their own but be prepared to let them go when and if they are able to go home and at the same time be prepared to keep them forever if reunification is not a possibility.
They assured me that foster families who have been doing this for years have this same struggle and for me, that was very helpful to know. I honestly had to wonder if I was really cut out for this because my heart is so in it. They also told me that they would be very concerned if I wasn't feeling the way I have been feeling...because their feeling is if I am not getting attached I am not doing a very good job.
This is a learning experience that's for sure and it's one that I really am trying to just take a day at a time and laugh and cry and realize that it is okay to feel however I am feeling!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
On June 30, Steve and I celebrated 12 years of marriage. I think there have been people in our life who figured we'd never get this far...we knew each other for a year when we got married and had only dated for 2 months when we got engaged.
We met because of my sister and her husband. My brother-in-law was having surgery and I was there visiting the next day and Steve just happened to be there because he was my brother-in-laws supervisor. I was 19 years old when I met him...I had just turned 19 about two months prior. I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time but honestly, when I met him, I had a gut feeling that there was something different about him.
We went on one date about a month after we met and because I was so nervous I would only let him take me to McDonald's...great first date place huh? I really liked him but when I realized just how much older he was then me, it scared me because I was 19 and he was 31 and we were in two different places in our lives. I wasn't sure if I was ready for something really serious so taking me to McDonald's seemed like a safe way to ensure the date would fail.
He was really very sweet and I did really like him. My aunt Mary gave me good advice...she was in Alaska at the time because my sister had just had her big wedding and the joke at my sister's wedding was Steve and I should just get married to at the time. My aunt told me to just give it time and not make decisions based off of anything anyone else was telling me and to just listen to my heart. I had a picture of the two of us from my sister's wedding and she said to tuck it away and see how I felt in a few months.
Steve and I kept in touch over the next few months and he deployed to Turkey. At Christmas time I realized that I really did care about him and that I did want to give a relationship a shot with him. I left a voicemail on his phone because it was the only way to get in touch with him since he was gone. I didn't know when I'd hear back from him but that was okay.
I did hear back from him but it wasn't why I expected it to be. A few weeks after Christmas I had found out his parents had passed away. I called him again and left another voicemail. This time I heard back from him because he was now back in the states on emergency leave and had listened to his voicemail. It was so good to talk to him...I only wish it would have been for reasons that were not so sad. We talked regularly and emailed weekly though and continued to do so while he finished his deployment in Turkey.
When he came back, I had just turned 20 and we both decided to give a relationship a shot. It didn't take me long to really realize I had fallen in love with him. About six weeks into our relationship, he went to Washington to see his sister who had just had a baby. He tells me that's when he realized his feelings for me. He came back and after about a couple more weeks of dating we decided to get married. He was getting ready to move to Japan so we had a very small wedding.
Our marriage has been filled with ups and downs and some years have been easier then others but I would not change anything. I am thankful that I have found a friend in Steve and someone who I thoroughly enjoy spending time with. Some days I get so frustrated with him and I find it hard to stay mad because he will smile at me and I just forget why I was so upset...I try and fight it but it doesn't work.
He is on the next chapter in his life since retiring from the military and that brings new challenges for our family but I look forward to tackling them together. We are lucky to have made it this far but I look forward to what the next many, many years brings for us :)
We met because of my sister and her husband. My brother-in-law was having surgery and I was there visiting the next day and Steve just happened to be there because he was my brother-in-laws supervisor. I was 19 years old when I met him...I had just turned 19 about two months prior. I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time but honestly, when I met him, I had a gut feeling that there was something different about him.
We went on one date about a month after we met and because I was so nervous I would only let him take me to McDonald's...great first date place huh? I really liked him but when I realized just how much older he was then me, it scared me because I was 19 and he was 31 and we were in two different places in our lives. I wasn't sure if I was ready for something really serious so taking me to McDonald's seemed like a safe way to ensure the date would fail.
He was really very sweet and I did really like him. My aunt Mary gave me good advice...she was in Alaska at the time because my sister had just had her big wedding and the joke at my sister's wedding was Steve and I should just get married to at the time. My aunt told me to just give it time and not make decisions based off of anything anyone else was telling me and to just listen to my heart. I had a picture of the two of us from my sister's wedding and she said to tuck it away and see how I felt in a few months.
Steve and I kept in touch over the next few months and he deployed to Turkey. At Christmas time I realized that I really did care about him and that I did want to give a relationship a shot with him. I left a voicemail on his phone because it was the only way to get in touch with him since he was gone. I didn't know when I'd hear back from him but that was okay.
I did hear back from him but it wasn't why I expected it to be. A few weeks after Christmas I had found out his parents had passed away. I called him again and left another voicemail. This time I heard back from him because he was now back in the states on emergency leave and had listened to his voicemail. It was so good to talk to him...I only wish it would have been for reasons that were not so sad. We talked regularly and emailed weekly though and continued to do so while he finished his deployment in Turkey.
When he came back, I had just turned 20 and we both decided to give a relationship a shot. It didn't take me long to really realize I had fallen in love with him. About six weeks into our relationship, he went to Washington to see his sister who had just had a baby. He tells me that's when he realized his feelings for me. He came back and after about a couple more weeks of dating we decided to get married. He was getting ready to move to Japan so we had a very small wedding.
Our marriage has been filled with ups and downs and some years have been easier then others but I would not change anything. I am thankful that I have found a friend in Steve and someone who I thoroughly enjoy spending time with. Some days I get so frustrated with him and I find it hard to stay mad because he will smile at me and I just forget why I was so upset...I try and fight it but it doesn't work.
He is on the next chapter in his life since retiring from the military and that brings new challenges for our family but I look forward to tackling them together. We are lucky to have made it this far but I look forward to what the next many, many years brings for us :)
I'm pretty sure I have mentioned this before but it is something I am really struggling with right now. We have a placement right now of an infant. She is the sweetest baby and so easy. I knew when we decided to continue our foster care license that it wouldn't be easy saying goodbye to children placed with us...what I did not realize was just how quickly I would bond with each one.
Our current placement is our fourth placement. Each previous placement last a matter of four-five days because they were reunified with their family or placed in another foster home. Even though we had them for such a short amount of time, I still found it difficult to say goodbye. Our current placement though, we've had for 2 1/2 months. I honestly did not think we'd have her this long and we will more then likely have her for a few more months.
I can't really get into specifics and sometimes that makes it hard too because so much is confidential and I know people ask questions because they are curious and want to be supportive but when we can't answer many questions, I know it must make it a little hard for our support system to feel like they are able to help support us.
I love this little baby though. I try and keep the mindset that she is going home because that is where she belongs but the longer we have her, the harder that mindset is to keep some days. Regardless of how hard this can be, it is very rewarding and I am happy that we can provide a home to a child in need. I think with this placement, I will grieve a little bit more and I need to remind myself that that is completely normal.
Our current placement is our fourth placement. Each previous placement last a matter of four-five days because they were reunified with their family or placed in another foster home. Even though we had them for such a short amount of time, I still found it difficult to say goodbye. Our current placement though, we've had for 2 1/2 months. I honestly did not think we'd have her this long and we will more then likely have her for a few more months.
I can't really get into specifics and sometimes that makes it hard too because so much is confidential and I know people ask questions because they are curious and want to be supportive but when we can't answer many questions, I know it must make it a little hard for our support system to feel like they are able to help support us.
I love this little baby though. I try and keep the mindset that she is going home because that is where she belongs but the longer we have her, the harder that mindset is to keep some days. Regardless of how hard this can be, it is very rewarding and I am happy that we can provide a home to a child in need. I think with this placement, I will grieve a little bit more and I need to remind myself that that is completely normal.
I feel like I haven't been on in a long time...school got out, Steve was gone, we had family visit for two weeks and did respite for another foster family. Finding the time to sit wasn't always easy but life is somewhat back to normal...or as normal as it can be for us anyway :)
I bought school supplies this weekend. It's hard to believe school starts back up in four weeks!! I really feel like it just ended. I will have a 6th, 4th, 3rd grader and a pre-schooler this year. Where does the time go? I know my kids are supposed to grow up but it just happens much faster then I would like it to.
Emilie has had a huge growth spurt over the last year. She is about 1 1/2 inches shorter then me and is thrilled!! She is asking all those tween questions about when she can start to do more grown up things...thankfully none of it is boy related yet!
Natalie, Kodie and Ethan are just as busy as ever. Ethan asks about school all the time...I know he misses that consistency a lot. Everyone is eager for school to start though. I am so thankful that they love school as much as they do!
The girls and I went to the candle store the other day...they were starting to stock the shelves with fall scents. I L-O-V-E fall...it is probably my favorite season of the year. It always feels like it goes too quickly though. Anyway, the girls and I had fun smelling the new scents and picked out a couple that we will use in a couple of months. It's really hard to believe though that it's almost that time of year again where life gets busy with school starting back up and then all of the end of year holidays.
It just really makes me think. Life literally feels like it is flying by sometimes. I am very fortunate for my life and the many blessings in it. I have too many friends going through hard times right now and it just puts so much into perspective. I know life is not always easy for me but I do have a good life.
Hopefully now that life is slowing down a little, I will find more time to sit and type away...there is so much going on in my head that I'd love to share/discuss.
I bought school supplies this weekend. It's hard to believe school starts back up in four weeks!! I really feel like it just ended. I will have a 6th, 4th, 3rd grader and a pre-schooler this year. Where does the time go? I know my kids are supposed to grow up but it just happens much faster then I would like it to.
Emilie has had a huge growth spurt over the last year. She is about 1 1/2 inches shorter then me and is thrilled!! She is asking all those tween questions about when she can start to do more grown up things...thankfully none of it is boy related yet!
Natalie, Kodie and Ethan are just as busy as ever. Ethan asks about school all the time...I know he misses that consistency a lot. Everyone is eager for school to start though. I am so thankful that they love school as much as they do!
The girls and I went to the candle store the other day...they were starting to stock the shelves with fall scents. I L-O-V-E fall...it is probably my favorite season of the year. It always feels like it goes too quickly though. Anyway, the girls and I had fun smelling the new scents and picked out a couple that we will use in a couple of months. It's really hard to believe though that it's almost that time of year again where life gets busy with school starting back up and then all of the end of year holidays.
It just really makes me think. Life literally feels like it is flying by sometimes. I am very fortunate for my life and the many blessings in it. I have too many friends going through hard times right now and it just puts so much into perspective. I know life is not always easy for me but I do have a good life.
Hopefully now that life is slowing down a little, I will find more time to sit and type away...there is so much going on in my head that I'd love to share/discuss.
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