Homelessness

Today after church, someone who is an outreach worker with Colorado Coalition for the Homeless did a brief talk on the Catholic Social Teaching and how it applies to homelessness. He also spoke about the recent bill that passed here in Denver that basically criminalizes homelessness...if you ask the mayor he would disagree with that statement. He does not feel that by giving a homeless person a ticket or putting them in jail for sleeping on the street would be criminalizing the homeless...I just happen to disagree with him.

Anyway, it was a great talk and interesting to listen to. I believe those that know me know how important this topic is to me. There was discussion about whether our church could open its doors at night and offer a bed or give relief to other churches that might offer a bed to the homeless.

One thing that has surprised me about foster care is how many children taken into care have a parent or parents that are homeless or on the brink of homelessness. Once their children are taken into care, it's hard to get them back. While I understand there are various reasons for this, I find it very sad that a child can be homeless living in a homeless shelter but the state will not take said child from the parents but once the child is brought into state care, the parent needs housing and that cannot be a homeless shelter.

I hope one day to be able to volunteer time at a soup kitchen or shelter...or maybe even be an outreach worker. I just know how easy it is for anyone of us to be that close to being homeless...some more then others.

Feeling very confused lately...doubting relationships with other people. I know I can get caught up in my life but I try and be there for others and some days are easier then others. At some point though I start to wonder what's the point of one sided relationships? Hopefully the strain I am feeling with certain people in my life will pass...I would truly hate to lose anyone important to me. I am thankful for those that are in my life that are understanding and there for me during hard times.

The one thing I dread about doing foster care is having a placement and becoming really attached and then having to say goodbye. The whole point is to open our doors and provide a safe home to a child in need and although I know this and firmly believe in reunification, it doesn't make it any easier.

We have had our placement now for seven weeks and she just turned 2 months old. She is just the sweetest little baby and I have to admit, I am growing very fond of her. She is smiling, cooing and squealing and it is just so much fun! I don't know how long we will have her and I know she belongs with her parents but I know it will be hard to not have her here. 

I hear from a lot of people that we run into that they'd never be able to do foster care...especially with a baby because they'd never be able to give the baby back. I always try and keep the mentality though that she is ours for now until it's safe to go home and we'll love her while we have her like she is one of our own. I get my baby fix with her but ultimately, we are not doing this for us, we are doing this for the many, many children in need of a safe home. 

In the meantime, I am just trying to enjoy this time with her and I will worry about her leaving when the time comes. All I can hope is that we are able to give her everything she needs and deserves while we have her!

Have you ever wished you could redo a day? Yesterday was one of those days for me...lack of sleep, being stressed out and loneliness finally took its toll.

The last few nights I haven't slept well. Having a newborn in the house, I go to be between 8 and 9 so I can try and get 4-5 hours of sleep before the middle of the night feeding. Steve feeds her at 10 and I am really thankful for that! But I haven't slept well and am up for a couple of hours in the middle of the night and finding time to nap during the day just doesn't happen.

Stress...who doesn't have that right? I have been frustrated with so many things. The kids school, the foster care system and caseworkers who do not reply to emails or return phone calls and feeling like I have no idea what is going on with a child placed with us and then just life in general. I try and not stress about things but sometimes that is easier said then done.

Finally loneliness. We have been here over a year now and I have met people but no friendships have really developed. Most people I know work and when they get home all they want to do is spend time with their own family...which is completely understandable! It's hard being home all day with no one here to talk to. I love being home with my children, don't get me wrong but sometimes I miss working outside of the home and actually having interactions with other adults and feeling like I am getting a little break.

I am not very good at making friends. I feel like I try but maybe I don't try hard enough? I am so insecure and when I do try and it goes no where I begin to feel like it's not even worth trying. I have wonderful friends don't get me wrong...they just don't all live in Colorado with me :)

I always though getting older would be easier in some aspects...at least the whole making friends part. Little did I know that life in general doesn't get easier it just always presents new challenges. I am thankful though for new beginnings and the start of a new day!