Have you ever had a day where you just break down? Today was that day for me. I have been keeping a lot to myself, pretending that everything is fine and staying busy so I wouldn't have to deal with my life. Today I wasn't able to avoid it any longer. Today it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have come to realize lately that people who I thought were my friends are not going to be there for me when I need them....and I was surprised by who reached out to me today. It touched my heart to receive messages from people I wouldn't have expected but I was a little disappointed that the people that I'd think would reach out didn't. I totally get that people get busy but at what point do we realize that we should NEVER be too busy to be there for a friend who is in need of support?

My dad died 6 months ago. I found out 8 months ago that he had cancer. You do the math. That is 2 months from when I found out he had to cancer to when he passed away. I know that people in my life are going to go on with their lives but please realize that I am still grieving and it doesn't hurt to ask how I am doing from time to time. I am still in shock. It still hasn't fully hit me that he's gone. It's getting harder though because I think I am beginning to realize it and I am feeling really sad because of it.

I am also feeling like a complete and utter failure with regards to my kids. Natalie is struggling with reading in school. I have been pushing for her to get extra help but because she wasn't far enough behind, no one would help her. The public school system has failed her but I feel like I have failed her too. She is now far enough behind that I think she may get the help she needs but why does it have to come to this??? Why do we have to let our kids get so far behind before the school steps in and realizes they should maybe help them out??? At her IEP meetings the last couple of years, this is what I would mention. I would talk about why she needs the help and that I don't want her to get behind and then be trying to learn what she needs to know for her current academic year on top of what she has missed out on.

I am an angry mom feeling very overwhelmed and frustrated with the system right now. How do I help my child when the thing she is struggling with is the very thing I struggled with in school? My first response is to pull her from school and just home school her so she can get the one-on-one help she so obviously needs....the problem with that is she LOVES school. I am calling a meeting though. Changes need to be made with the help she is getting and I am going to fight for it. I am looking into getting a parent advocate to assist me so that my voice is finally heard so my daughter can get the help she needs and deserves.

I need some prayers though. I am ready to go in with guns blazing but I need help with being patient so that I am not met with resistance. I know all her teachers want to do is help and I need to keep reminding myself of that.