Loss

It has been forever since I have logged on and written anything. I have had times where I have felt the urge to let me finger type away at the keys on my laptop but haven't managed to find the motivation to actually allow that process to happen.

It's been 20 months since my dad passed away. I am feeling the loss from his passing more and more. Honestly, it probably doesn't help that as October is coming to an end, I know what is upon me...the holidays and the end of another year with him gone. I know with time, it will get easier because that's what I've been told and I have days where I'm okay and then I feel guilty because I feel like maybe I shouldn't be happy just quite yet.

I feel the loss from friendships. A few of my friendships over the course of losing my dad faded away. Sure we check-in on occasion...and when I say occasion, I mean every few months and that's hard when I used to be able to talk to them more regularly and have their support. I realize though that as we get older, friendships change but it doesn't make that loss and less harder to work through.

I am feeling the loss of my sister not living one state over...this probably seems silly but since I got married 14 years ago, I have lived on other continents away from my family so when we moved to Germany, I was so excited that I had a family member one state over and it gave me a sense of comfort knowing she wasn't that far away. Now she is across the pond on an adventure of her own and while I am excited for her and love see their photos of their fun new life, I still feel sad for me.

In just a few short weeks, I will become an aunt again and I am excited but it makes me wish we were closer to Alaska so I could be more involved and help out...although maybe my youngest sis is okay with not having all of her family close by to help her out :)

I guess we all feel loss over the course of our lives, don't we? We all handle it differently and for some it is more challenging than it is for others. I know that this too shall pass but today I am just allowing myself to feel more freely because I tend to just bottle it up and keep pushing on.