Yesterday was a big home visit with our resource worker, the assistant for the GAL and the CASA worker for our foster baby. The CASA worker is a volunteer who stays on the case until permanency has been established whether that is reunification with the family or adoption and the GAL is a lawyer who represents the child in state care. Here is Colorado the GAL's have assistants so most of the time that is who comes and does home visits with foster families...although I was told that if the case is a hard one, then the GAL personally comes out for the visits.

Anyway, something that I have been struggling with lately is getting attached to our little one in our care. We talked about this yesterday and I ended up breaking down and felt so, so embarrassed as a result. I do not like letting my guard down like that...if it would have just been our resource worker (who comes out and makes sure we are getting everything done in a timely manner for our foster care license), then it would have been no big deal. I feel like I can let my guard down with her and she won't judge me. Thankfully everyone was very supportive and ultimately told me that they ask foster parents to do the impossible...get attached to a foster child and love them like their own but be prepared to let them go when and if they are able to go home and at the same time be prepared to keep them forever if reunification is not a possibility.

They assured me that foster families who have been doing this for years have this same struggle and for me, that was very helpful to know. I honestly had to wonder if I was really cut out for this because my heart is so in it. They also told me that they would be very concerned if I wasn't feeling the way I have been feeling...because their feeling is if I am not getting attached I am not doing a very good job.

This is a learning experience that's for sure and it's one that I really am trying to just take a day at a time and laugh and cry and realize that it is okay to feel however I am feeling!