It has been a long time since I have posted. We had a very busy summer with visitors and other fun stuff. School started back up the beginning of August and my house is quiet again and I am trying to enjoy it. Another reason I haven't posted is because I have been trying to take a step back from certain things...I have felt a bit negative with my attitude and have felt that at times, I couldn't find many positive things to write or post on Facebook. I was also struggling with feeling not too important in some peoples lives. Facebook is great with being able to stay connected but I was starting to feel like I was in high school again and not very popular. Popularity is not something I strive for but at the same time, it's never fun feeling like not many people are interested in your life. So, I post less in general and try to keep it positive. I don't always succeed but I am trying.

Anyway, we are still busy as ever with four kids plus a fifth little one who is still in our care for now. I tell you what, I have learned that foster care is a roller coaster of emotions regardless of who the child is that is in our care. With Ethan, we had a connection with him because it was kinship but now, we are taking in children whom we have no connection to and I honestly didn't expect it to be the same roller coaster of emotions. We have had her for four and a half months now. We have all fallen in love with her and will be sad when she is reunified with her family so for now, we just cherish this time with her.

At the end of the day though, I question whether I am cut out for this. I know we can provide a child in a need a safe and loving home but what I think we can't do is deal with all of the red tape that is foster care. There are many rules. We can get medical and dental care for a child in our care but not sign for surgery. We can get specialty appointments like physical therapy and other therapies but cannot sign for anything education related through the school district. We are not allowed to get a foster child's hair cut regardless of whether they are a boy or a girl and it is ridiculously long without parent permission. While I know there are lots of reasons for these rules, I find myself beyond frustrated at times.

I can see the bigger picture and that some of these decisions truly belong to the parents but what if the parent is not involved? What if the parent is involved, then not involved and then involved again, etc...do you get the idea? Why should the child have to wait for certain things?

My role as a foster parent is an important one I feel. I am taking care of any child in my care like I would care for my own. Ask Steve, I spend too much money on their clothes just like I did with the girls when they were little :) I am up in the middle of the night tending to them. I am getting them to any doctor appointments and visits with their parents. I am doing weekly reports and sending it to everyone on the case. I am documenting everything...medicine, visits with parents, bumps and bruises, etc. I am staying up to date with my foster care license and then on top of all of that, taking care of my other children and everything they have going on in their life.

I am not doing this for any recognition or praise. I am doing this because we have a home to offer to a child in need. I truly love doing this...I just get frustrated because I feel like my hands are tied at times and I don't like feeling helpless. So I just keep pushing for what I feel is right and continuing to love and care for children who come into our home. And I hope that by doing this, I don't upset too many people along the way because while I can ruffle feathers if I need to, I really don't like to.