Self Esteem

This morning I met with a special ed rep with the school district. I had inquired a couple weeks ago if Aurora Public Schools (APS) was required to still provide IEP services if a child was home schooled. Apparently APS is not...most other districts around the world will though and also give the option for students to join in for art, music and pe.

About a week or so ago, I spoke with a dear friend on the phone about my thoughts and she lent her perspective. She also told me to be prepared that the school would try and talk me out of home schooling. They sort of did...the rep told me that APS offers something called School Choice. It's where we as parents can try and get our kids into a different school in the school district.

What does that mean for me? Well, if I got them or one of them into another school it would mean getting four kids to school and to different schools. I don't see how that would work. I appreciate the information she provided though and the lending ear she provided as well.

We sat and talked about my frustration with the miscommunication I have encountered at the school and the lack of communication. We talked about how APS does things differenlty then any other district we've been with...she moved here a year ago as well from Florida.

Anyway, you might be wondering what all this has to do with my title, Self Esteem....maybe?? Well, as the conversation wrapped up, she made a comment to me that she thought I was great. My response was, "Well, I'm sure not everyone would agree with that".

I left the school and on the way home, I sat and pondered why I responded that way. I almost always respond that way...sometimes I may say thank you and that's only because I have had to force myself to learn to say it even if I'm not thankful.

The truth is, I don't really believe the nice things people have to say about me. In junior high and high school I had people in my life who belittled me, who were not kind and said hurtful things to me and I find myself now saying these things to myself because it's what I'm used to. I don't know how to think of myself any other way.

I guess what's why it bothers me so much that Emilie has encountered some hurtful comments as well. I don't want her to end up with my self esteem issues. I know most of us have them but I think most people can see their value and it's hard for me to see that.

It's important to me that my children, especially my girls, grow up feeling confident and sure of themselves. Hopefully in my parenting, I can help them accomplish that!