I am thankful for friends who prayed for us. When we were still in Germany in 2010, we knew the changes that were coming. We new early in the year that Steve would be retiring from Germany which had not been in our plans...but they were obviously in God's plans. I was the Religious Education Coordinator for pre-k through 5th grade in Germany. I worked up until we left Germany; I think I stopped working about a week maybe before we got on a plane to head back to the states. Every Sunday I went to work to run the program, there were wonderful parent's and volunteers who I would speak with and they were always very encouraging. There were comments that I seemed to be handling it really well. What many people did not realize was I was so scared but I knew that with everyone praying for us and with placing my trust in God, we would get through this next bump in the road.
My faith has not always been so strong. I grew up going to church very regularly. I went to Religious Education every year until Confirmation and was Confirmed when I was a Junior in High School (I think but could be wrong). I didn't want to be confirmed. I wasn't sure if I was honestly ready to take that next step. My mom forced me to go and although I wasn't necessarily happy, I'm glad she made me go.
It was during this time that I really thought a lot about what my vocation might be. Missionary work had always interested me and something I really found joy in was volunteering...I still do actually. I would rather volunteer somewhere then work and make any money. I also started considering whether maybe I should enter the Religious life and become a nun. I wanted a family but was feeling pulled in both directions. I got in contact with a couple different convents my Senior year in High School. I wrote letters to my Aunt Glenda and discussed it with her. She was supportive and told me that if it was something I really wanted to do she thought it was good. Through our letters, she also talked to me about Psalm 23. She told me it was something she would read in times of sadness.
Psalm 23 has gotten me through a lot of hard times. After high school, I worked and hung out with friends. I don't want to say I was hanging out with the wrong crowd because they were my friends and I still consider them friends to this day but I did make some very poor choices. I became someone that I didn't recognize. I fell away from His grace. I felt that I knew better then anyone else and left home one night. I didn't let me parents know and just took off. I stayed in a motel and was just so clueless. I lived in a motel for about a month. Looking back, it was dangerous and stupid. I made these choices and I am ashamed but I had to hit rock bottom to grow from it and rise up again.
As the money ran out, I ended up staying with another friend briefly before asking my parents if I could come back home. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I had to admit that I was stupid in my decisions. I felt like giving up. I felt like dying would be a better alternative then to face the consequences of my choices. I remember laying in my room at my parent's home one night crying and feeling very sorry for myself and my mom was not sympathetic at all. I can't remember her words exactly but it was something along the lines of to stop feeling sorry for myself. I remember thinking she was being so harsh but they were exactly the words I needed to hear.
I had lost faith along the way because the life I was living came between God and me. I started going back to church, paying back debts that I owed and getting my life back together. I remember Psalm 23 often during this time.
I am thankful for my parents for taking hard line with me. I am thankful for a forgiving God. I am thankful for second chances. Those difficult times helped me become stronger in my faith so that as I have gotten older, it has made it easier to just place my trust in him. This doesn't mean that I don't ever struggle but I do find it easier to trust.
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