Yesterday, I blogged and it probably made no sense to others...I keep a lot in and don't talk about things and when I do talk about things, it is with just a couple of people. Anyway, I mentioned a bible verse.

So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today ~ Matthew 6:34

I feel like yesterday when I saw this in my email, it was the perfect time to receive it. Like I mentioned yesterday, I need to only worry about today and try and not worry about tomorrow...to not worry about things that are not in my control. I don't know why this is so difficult for me...it is a constant struggle. 

In a way, I feel like foster care and having children is helping force me to try and work on this issue for me....but I still struggle and will probably continue to struggle for years to come. I received a phone call from our foster baby's caseworker yesterday. It was a bit unexpected but ultimately I know it was a good development for her. My reaction for myself was an explosion of tears...I hung up the phone and the tears just would not stop. I called my mom, I texted with my sister and called Steve and it helped but what helped the most though was sleep. 

I woke this morning feeling better about the whole situation and I know that God will help me through this. I do not know what the final outcome will be for her but I am trying to live in the moment and not worry about tomorrow. 

I don't like to ask for help. I like to try and do it all on my own and at times, I take on way too much but I somehow manage to figure it all out. But, I do ask for prayers. This has been a hard journey with lots of ups and downs and it's only been five months (well, five months this coming Monday). Sometimes I wonder if I need to seek out a therapist. Our licensing worker is great and I know if I needed to talk, I could call her but I also feel like it isn't her job to be my therapist :) The CASA worker on the case has told me to call her anytime and again, I know she means it but I don't want to cross a line where I call too often or put her in a tough position. There is only so much I can discuss with people outside of the case and it gets really hard having all of that stuff bottled up. 

Like I said, I'll figure it out...but if you could pray, I know it will help. I have felt the power of prayer helping me in the past and I know without a doubt it will help me again!