I am finding that life is a roller coaster. I always compare doing foster care to a roller coaster and the last few days after the news of my dad, I have felt like my family has been on a roller coaster...and I am on it along for the ride. Sad thing is, I hate roller coasters. I am terrified...I am afraid I will fall out, something will malfunction and go wrong and when I have gone on them with my kids, my arm automatically reaches out to protect them while I yell, "Oh God, please God, keep us safe". I find myself doing that a lot with different things. I cling to my faith. I cling to God knowing that He will provide.

My dad is currently in Oregon with my mom. They left Alaska Monday night and arrived in Oregon late with news that dad would have surgery Tuesday afternoon. I caught up with all of this news when I woke up in the am and got ready for my day. I again checked in on Facebook while I got baby A up and changed her diaper. Then talked with Kodie while making eggs, while she played with baby A. The latest then was that they were going to put in a PIC line and do TPN...so give him nourishment intravenously. He is very weak because he really has not eaten a good, wholesome meal in over a week...possibly longer. They were doing this to try and help strengthen him for surgery. So now there is more waiting. The hope is to do surgery in the next couple of days and hopefully he will be stronger.

We hope. We pray. My mom sent me a photo of her and my dad from Monday night. I'd seen a photo of him from a week earlier. I then saw a photo of him from about a month ago that my brother posted of him and my niece, Savannah. The three photos are of three very different people and yet the same person because he is my dad in each and everyone...just a weaker, sicker, more fragile dad. It is hard to wrap my head around all of this...especially so far away but seeing the photos made it a little bit easier. And again, we pray and pray some more.

I know that God is in control. I trust that whatever God's plan is, He will provide and be there for all of us regardless of the outcome. I know this to be true. I have felt frustrated the last couple of days. This morning I felt like the whole medical system was a joke. I felt like it gave me no reason to ever go see a doctor. They are after all, "practicing medicine". I mean no disrespect to those in the medical field. I think as a family member though, when you have a loved one going through something very difficult, you hope that the people in charge of the medical decisions will know exactly what to do and that it won't feel like a guessing game.

But again, I pray. You all are praying and I can feel it. I know my mom can feel it too. And again, I have to say, I am so thankful for all of you who are praying, thinking about us and sending encouraging posts and messages!!