I've been contemplating how to start this post for a few days now. Everything just seems to surreal to me. I know it's happening but being in Colorado away from my family and having no confirmation 100% gives me the feeling that I can just pretend none of this is real. I talk to some of my siblings and my mom and apparently I am the only one who is sleeping through the night. I am not breaking down really either. I have my moments but they are far and few between. So, does this mean there is something wrong with me?

Friday started out like any other day. Up early getting three kids off to school and getting ready to take our foster baby to see her parents. It was a busy day because it was a half day because of parent teacher conferences and we were getting family photos done in the afternoon. I went about my day like normal. After we were done getting photos done, we were driving home and my phone rang. It was my mom. The tone in her voice was different and I instantly knew something was wrong...I just had no idea what was to come.

My mom proceeded to tell me that she was at the hospital with my dad. That my dad has colon cancer (or that is what was the assumption from everyone). That my dad had found out in August and did not say anything and did not follow up with any doctors. My mom told me he had had a ct scan and it showed spots on his liver and lymph nodes and he had fluid build up in his stomach. I cried but quickly realized that my kids were in the car with me and needed to pull it together. I proceeded to call all my siblings trying to fill them in the rest of the way home.

Emilie has been taking this hard. Kodie has as well. Kodie wrote a note that I found talking about how her grandpa has cancer and may die. She is feeling sad because my dad is her only living grandpa. My parents are their only living grandparents. Natalie has been acting out with her behavior a little bit more than normal. My goal is to try and keep life at home as normal as possible.

Over the weekend and today I have had updates on my dad from my mom. They are waiting for the lab results to come back from the fluid that was drained from his stomach on Friday. They sent that to Seattle so it causes a little delay with getting answers. For now, they are just trying to help him feel better while they wait for answers. He'll see an oncologist and see what options are out there. The assumption right now is that it is metastasized though.

I do believe in the power of prayer. I believe in miracles and I know it is all in God's hands. I pray most of all that my dad's heart is softened and begins to open. My hope is that he becomes closer to God. I don't know where I will end up when my life here on earth is over and I hope it is heaven and I hope that my dad will be in heaven waiting for me and everyone else he loves.

This is all hard but I am placing my trust and faith in God. It is all I really can do besides pray at this point. I just want to say thank you to everyone who is keeping him in prayer. I am so thankful for each and every one of you. I think one lesson that can be learned from all of this is just how important it is to take our health seriously. Please do not ignore recommended tests. So many of them can help prevent so many things.