Forrest Eugene...my dad

Today heaven gained another loved person. Six months ago my dad found out he most likely had colon cancer and it had already spread. He was told to follow-up with a doctor but he did not. He was in denial. Two months and six days ago, he was back in the ER and this time my mom was with him. This is when we all found out my dad had cancer and it had spread much more at that point.

I woke this morning at 4:30 and just kept thinking about my parents. I wanted to text my mom but thought it was too early since she's two hours behind me. I figured if she was getting any sleep I didn't want to interrupt it. By 5:30 I went ahead and sent a text. We texted back and forth and she let me know his oxygen levels had dropped lower and his heart rate was higher trying to compensate for the lower O2 levels. He was in a deep sleep and really not responding much to people around him.

I went about my business, doing things on the computer, making breakfast for the kids. I got upset with Natalie this morning for lying to me about cleaning her room and putting her laundry away...it's been hard to not be impatient some days as I try and process everything with my dad. I felt even worse when Natalie told me she wasn't just sad because I yelled but she was just really sad because Grandpa would not be here much longer.

Natalie has been my strong one with all of this. Emilie and Kodie have both cried and talked to me but Natalie has put on a brave face. She sat on my lap and cried and I just held her and hugged her. We talked about how grandpa would be in a better place rejoicing with the angels, Jesus, God and people who have past before him. I told her it's okay to be sad for as long as she needs to be.

About 8:30 I sent another text message to my mom and things were still the same. So I continued with my morning and getting everyone out the door because I needed to get two kids off to school and Kodie to the orthodontist. I dropped the girls off and pulled out of the school parking lot when my phone rang. I answered thinking it was my mom but it was a family friend calling to let me know my dad had passed. It had only been 30 minutes since I had heard from my mom so I was a bit stunned.

I sat in the orthodontist office trying to pass the time while Kodie's teeth were being looked at...texting with a friend and speaking briefly with another while trying to entertain baby A and Ethan in the waiting area. I left there and took Kodie back to school. I got home and spoke to my mom briefly.

It has not really hit me yet. I think it will when I get home to Alaska. But in all honesty, I think these last two months I have already been grieving on some level. I had friends call today and talk to me and I know it helped to not just be sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself.

All day though I just kept thinking about my day. Hoping he is okay and wishing I could feel something to let me know he is okay or see something that would show me he is okay. I'm sure it seems silly but for me, it would be comforting.

I decided to get my hair cut tonight...it's been almost 4 months since my last hair cut and I just needed some time to kinda be pampered and be alone. I got in my car and heard this song playing on the radio

This is one of my favorite songs...I never get tired of hearing it. I then made a quick call to my mom but got her voicemail. While I was on the phone with her voicemail, I had muted my radio. When I un-muted it, I heard this song playing on the radio.

This is another song that I just absolutely love. For some reason when I turned the radio back on, and heard this one playing, I just felt a sense of peace. I don't know if this is supposed to be my sign that my dad is okay but it brought me comfort and peace and for now, it helps a lot. 

I leave tomorrow night to head to Alaska. We celebrated Valentine's day early in our house since I'll miss it with them tomorrow. Steve bought me flowers...I told him it is a two for one deal. It's hard for me to not crack jokes...it breaks the awkward silence. I'll be gone until the morning of the 24th. It's always hard to leave my kids and Steve but I know they'll be okay. This will be the longest I've been away in awhile...thank goodness for phone calls and skype. 

This photo is from New Years Eve when after my trip to Oregon.

This photo was a couple weeks into January after my dad had returned home from Oregon.

This photo is from Saturday. My dad and sister, Mary.