Today, I am feeling frustrated. I am feeling frustrated because I am not near my family during a time that I feel like I should be. I see posts, see messages and know there is nothing that I can physically do to help. I feel like I am the oldest and should be stepping up to the plate but how do I do that from so far away?
It doesn't help that I am just feeling defeated right now. This to shall pass right??
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
How many of you know about the plight of orphans overseas? Did you know that there are way too many special needs babies and children living in orphanages? Did you know that when they hit a certain age (and it can be as young as 4 years old) that they are transferred to adult mental institutions?
Here are just a few of some beautiful blessings in need of their forever family:
Here are just a few of some beautiful blessings in need of their forever family:
These are just a few of many beautiful children waiting. If we were in a place right now to adopt internationally, we would be. I know Steve is a bit reluctant because the cost can be a lot. For me, being able to help is more important. In the last few weeks three babies earned their wings. One earned them about a year after being home with his forever family. Another earned his wings before his family could bring him home. Some of these children don't have much time to be rescued which can make the idea of adopting them scary. I guess I just feel like getting the chance to feel loved and having a family is worth that risk.
Monday, December 10, 2012
I've been contemplating how to start this post for a few days now. Everything just seems to surreal to me. I know it's happening but being in Colorado away from my family and having no confirmation 100% gives me the feeling that I can just pretend none of this is real. I talk to some of my siblings and my mom and apparently I am the only one who is sleeping through the night. I am not breaking down really either. I have my moments but they are far and few between. So, does this mean there is something wrong with me?
Friday started out like any other day. Up early getting three kids off to school and getting ready to take our foster baby to see her parents. It was a busy day because it was a half day because of parent teacher conferences and we were getting family photos done in the afternoon. I went about my day like normal. After we were done getting photos done, we were driving home and my phone rang. It was my mom. The tone in her voice was different and I instantly knew something was wrong...I just had no idea what was to come.
My mom proceeded to tell me that she was at the hospital with my dad. That my dad has colon cancer (or that is what was the assumption from everyone). That my dad had found out in August and did not say anything and did not follow up with any doctors. My mom told me he had had a ct scan and it showed spots on his liver and lymph nodes and he had fluid build up in his stomach. I cried but quickly realized that my kids were in the car with me and needed to pull it together. I proceeded to call all my siblings trying to fill them in the rest of the way home.
Emilie has been taking this hard. Kodie has as well. Kodie wrote a note that I found talking about how her grandpa has cancer and may die. She is feeling sad because my dad is her only living grandpa. My parents are their only living grandparents. Natalie has been acting out with her behavior a little bit more than normal. My goal is to try and keep life at home as normal as possible.
Over the weekend and today I have had updates on my dad from my mom. They are waiting for the lab results to come back from the fluid that was drained from his stomach on Friday. They sent that to Seattle so it causes a little delay with getting answers. For now, they are just trying to help him feel better while they wait for answers. He'll see an oncologist and see what options are out there. The assumption right now is that it is metastasized though.
I do believe in the power of prayer. I believe in miracles and I know it is all in God's hands. I pray most of all that my dad's heart is softened and begins to open. My hope is that he becomes closer to God. I don't know where I will end up when my life here on earth is over and I hope it is heaven and I hope that my dad will be in heaven waiting for me and everyone else he loves.
This is all hard but I am placing my trust and faith in God. It is all I really can do besides pray at this point. I just want to say thank you to everyone who is keeping him in prayer. I am so thankful for each and every one of you. I think one lesson that can be learned from all of this is just how important it is to take our health seriously. Please do not ignore recommended tests. So many of them can help prevent so many things.
Friday started out like any other day. Up early getting three kids off to school and getting ready to take our foster baby to see her parents. It was a busy day because it was a half day because of parent teacher conferences and we were getting family photos done in the afternoon. I went about my day like normal. After we were done getting photos done, we were driving home and my phone rang. It was my mom. The tone in her voice was different and I instantly knew something was wrong...I just had no idea what was to come.
My mom proceeded to tell me that she was at the hospital with my dad. That my dad has colon cancer (or that is what was the assumption from everyone). That my dad had found out in August and did not say anything and did not follow up with any doctors. My mom told me he had had a ct scan and it showed spots on his liver and lymph nodes and he had fluid build up in his stomach. I cried but quickly realized that my kids were in the car with me and needed to pull it together. I proceeded to call all my siblings trying to fill them in the rest of the way home.
Emilie has been taking this hard. Kodie has as well. Kodie wrote a note that I found talking about how her grandpa has cancer and may die. She is feeling sad because my dad is her only living grandpa. My parents are their only living grandparents. Natalie has been acting out with her behavior a little bit more than normal. My goal is to try and keep life at home as normal as possible.
Over the weekend and today I have had updates on my dad from my mom. They are waiting for the lab results to come back from the fluid that was drained from his stomach on Friday. They sent that to Seattle so it causes a little delay with getting answers. For now, they are just trying to help him feel better while they wait for answers. He'll see an oncologist and see what options are out there. The assumption right now is that it is metastasized though.
I do believe in the power of prayer. I believe in miracles and I know it is all in God's hands. I pray most of all that my dad's heart is softened and begins to open. My hope is that he becomes closer to God. I don't know where I will end up when my life here on earth is over and I hope it is heaven and I hope that my dad will be in heaven waiting for me and everyone else he loves.
This is all hard but I am placing my trust and faith in God. It is all I really can do besides pray at this point. I just want to say thank you to everyone who is keeping him in prayer. I am so thankful for each and every one of you. I think one lesson that can be learned from all of this is just how important it is to take our health seriously. Please do not ignore recommended tests. So many of them can help prevent so many things.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Life has been busy here this last month or so. Steve was gone for most of November because of Hurricane Sandy. So it was me, five kids and five animals day in and day out trying to make the best of our circumstances. When Steve took this job with FEMA, I never would have thought he could and would be gone more now than when he was active duty. This time around, even though it was only three weeks, was hard on my kids...the girls especially. Emilie at one point asked if he could just quit his job so he wouldn't have to be gone...if only it was that easy. Steve truly loves his job except for the being away from his family part. I felt really bad though that she would want him to quit because she missed him.
I am thankful though for a friend who has helped pick up the girls after school and bring them home. It has been a tremendous help to me!! I am thankful for our licensing worker because when I doubt myself being able to handle being a foster parent, she reassures me that we are doing great. I am thankful for our foster baby's CASA worker because she can read between the lines when talking to me. I am not always the most eloquent person and can ramble a ton and she has a way of understanding me which is so helpful for me :)
We have been busy with birthdays...three of them to be exact since the beginning of November, Thanksgiving and now preparing for Christmas and the New Year. I love this time of year. I love the smells, the sounds, the love that I witness everywhere.
We are almost at the 1 year anniversary of Ethan becoming our son. December 14th is quickly approaching. I am so thankful to have him in our lives. Boys are different that's for sure but he adds something to our family that I didn't know we were missing. Life can be challenging with him because of his sensory needs. It took us about a year to get him comfortable in the bathtub...he enjoys baths now! He requires consistency (I think all kids do but some truly thrive and need it so much more). We took Natalie to a Hibachi grill for her birthday lunch and this was the first time that Ethan did not scream, cry and cover his ears in fear of the sounds and sights of fire. Like I said, life is challenging with him but we are figuring it out!
Last week I was sick along with Emilie and our foster baby. Steve stayed home a couple of days and helped out but I realize that while he tries to help, there was still a lot that was forgotten about :) I am now this week starting to feel normal again. We have our house set up for Christmas. I am ready to do my cookie baking. Almost all of the gifts are wrapped and I am ready to start our Christmas cards. Yes, I really am feeling better and more on top of things now!!
I spoke with Emilie's literacy teacher last week. She was calling to let me know she was so happy that Emilie was back at school after having been sick. She told me that Emilie is truly a joy and hard worker who she doesn't have to remind to do things. It was a nice phone call. I am so thankful for Emilie...I am so thankful for all of my kids though too! This week Emilie and I went through photos from when we went to concentration camps while in living in Germany. One of her classes is going to be discussing the Holocaust over the next six weeks. So we printed off photos from Bergen-Belsen and Auschwitz. I am so thankful that we were able to see so many things first hand while living in Germany. It is one thing to learn about this history in a text book and it is a whole other thing to see it first hand.
This is just a general update...hopefully with the new year I'll be able to blog a little more.
I am thankful though for a friend who has helped pick up the girls after school and bring them home. It has been a tremendous help to me!! I am thankful for our licensing worker because when I doubt myself being able to handle being a foster parent, she reassures me that we are doing great. I am thankful for our foster baby's CASA worker because she can read between the lines when talking to me. I am not always the most eloquent person and can ramble a ton and she has a way of understanding me which is so helpful for me :)
We have been busy with birthdays...three of them to be exact since the beginning of November, Thanksgiving and now preparing for Christmas and the New Year. I love this time of year. I love the smells, the sounds, the love that I witness everywhere.
We are almost at the 1 year anniversary of Ethan becoming our son. December 14th is quickly approaching. I am so thankful to have him in our lives. Boys are different that's for sure but he adds something to our family that I didn't know we were missing. Life can be challenging with him because of his sensory needs. It took us about a year to get him comfortable in the bathtub...he enjoys baths now! He requires consistency (I think all kids do but some truly thrive and need it so much more). We took Natalie to a Hibachi grill for her birthday lunch and this was the first time that Ethan did not scream, cry and cover his ears in fear of the sounds and sights of fire. Like I said, life is challenging with him but we are figuring it out!
Last week I was sick along with Emilie and our foster baby. Steve stayed home a couple of days and helped out but I realize that while he tries to help, there was still a lot that was forgotten about :) I am now this week starting to feel normal again. We have our house set up for Christmas. I am ready to do my cookie baking. Almost all of the gifts are wrapped and I am ready to start our Christmas cards. Yes, I really am feeling better and more on top of things now!!
I spoke with Emilie's literacy teacher last week. She was calling to let me know she was so happy that Emilie was back at school after having been sick. She told me that Emilie is truly a joy and hard worker who she doesn't have to remind to do things. It was a nice phone call. I am so thankful for Emilie...I am so thankful for all of my kids though too! This week Emilie and I went through photos from when we went to concentration camps while in living in Germany. One of her classes is going to be discussing the Holocaust over the next six weeks. So we printed off photos from Bergen-Belsen and Auschwitz. I am so thankful that we were able to see so many things first hand while living in Germany. It is one thing to learn about this history in a text book and it is a whole other thing to see it first hand.
This is just a general update...hopefully with the new year I'll be able to blog a little more.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
This will be a bit of a different post...and it will be the only one. I love politics and government and watching it all unfold each election year. I get excited, I learn about each issue and candidate running. I watch the debates and get stressed out in the process but I still love it.
I have never lived in a swing state before. Now I know why some don't enjoy election time. The amount of political garbage that was spewed everywhere was ridiculous. If people don't do their own research, I can see how they'd have the wrong idea about the candidates if they are only learning their info from these commercials. Today I am so thankful that for a couple of years, I can watch tv and not feel like I have to fast forward through the commercials.
I have come to the conclusion that this country is very divided. I read so many negative things today. Regardless of who I voted for and whether they won or not, I can be respectful of my friends who felt victorious because their candidate won and respectful of my friends who were sad because their candidate lost. I heard of a friend being called a racist because she is conservative and votes based off of her religious beliefs. Can someone please tell me why this is a bad thing? We all have a right to our own opinions. We all have a right to free speech and whether we all agree or not it does not make us a racist.
I do not agree with all of my friends on many issues. I find that I am right in the in the middle on many issues. Some issues I am very conservative and others I am liberal. I know not everyone agrees with me and that is okay. I hope that others can feel the same way and just agree to disagree. I get the passion that everyone has towards issues they feel is important. I have that same passion but I do always try and do it respectfully...I may fail at times but I try.
I personally hope that we can all come together in a few days when some of the emotion has died down and work together. This is a great country but there is so much divisiveness and it saddens me.
Like I said, this is my one post on all of this. I felt the need to say it but I am moving on and will be praying for our President. Regardless of who is in office, they need our prayers and support.
I have never lived in a swing state before. Now I know why some don't enjoy election time. The amount of political garbage that was spewed everywhere was ridiculous. If people don't do their own research, I can see how they'd have the wrong idea about the candidates if they are only learning their info from these commercials. Today I am so thankful that for a couple of years, I can watch tv and not feel like I have to fast forward through the commercials.
I have come to the conclusion that this country is very divided. I read so many negative things today. Regardless of who I voted for and whether they won or not, I can be respectful of my friends who felt victorious because their candidate won and respectful of my friends who were sad because their candidate lost. I heard of a friend being called a racist because she is conservative and votes based off of her religious beliefs. Can someone please tell me why this is a bad thing? We all have a right to our own opinions. We all have a right to free speech and whether we all agree or not it does not make us a racist.
I do not agree with all of my friends on many issues. I find that I am right in the in the middle on many issues. Some issues I am very conservative and others I am liberal. I know not everyone agrees with me and that is okay. I hope that others can feel the same way and just agree to disagree. I get the passion that everyone has towards issues they feel is important. I have that same passion but I do always try and do it respectfully...I may fail at times but I try.
I personally hope that we can all come together in a few days when some of the emotion has died down and work together. This is a great country but there is so much divisiveness and it saddens me.
Like I said, this is my one post on all of this. I felt the need to say it but I am moving on and will be praying for our President. Regardless of who is in office, they need our prayers and support.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Today was a good day. Steve left this morning for Ohio and then Pennsylvania because of Hurricane Sandy. We knew it was coming. Some of his coworkers left Saturday and more are leaving tomorrow. It doesn't make it any easier for my kids though. How do you explain to them why he is gone so much? It could be worse...he could still be active duty but for them, that doesn't matter if he's gone for a week, a couple weeks or for months at a time.
He will miss Halloween, Kodie and Ethan's birthdays and a very important trip to the car dealer to get my car taken care of :) For my kids, him missing Halloween and their birthdays is a big deal. For me, him being gone and me having to take five kids to the dealer to sit around while my car is worked on is a big deal. Like I said though, it could be worse.
Anyway, like I said, today was a good day. The last few days I had felt like a referee with arguments and what not but everyone tried hard today to get along. We took our foster baby in for a visit with her parents too. That went so much better than the last time. I got my ballot to the post office and have officially voted as well.
Today was a productive day and the day is coming to an end. Here's hoping tomorrow morning goes well and my car doesn't take too long. My kids are excited to go trick-or-treating and it will be an interesting time with no help and five kids!
He will miss Halloween, Kodie and Ethan's birthdays and a very important trip to the car dealer to get my car taken care of :) For my kids, him missing Halloween and their birthdays is a big deal. For me, him being gone and me having to take five kids to the dealer to sit around while my car is worked on is a big deal. Like I said though, it could be worse.
Anyway, like I said, today was a good day. The last few days I had felt like a referee with arguments and what not but everyone tried hard today to get along. We took our foster baby in for a visit with her parents too. That went so much better than the last time. I got my ballot to the post office and have officially voted as well.
Today was a productive day and the day is coming to an end. Here's hoping tomorrow morning goes well and my car doesn't take too long. My kids are excited to go trick-or-treating and it will be an interesting time with no help and five kids!
Monday, October 22, 2012
We are trying to teach our kids to be friends to everyone but at the same time teaching them that if someone is a bully to keep their distance. I don't want them to get into trouble because they were with the wrong person at the wrong place/time. It's a hard thing to teach in a way. Kids are learning so much.
I felt proud recently though when Natalie and I were talking about school. There is a child in her class that has a reputation of being a bully. Anyway, she told me she plays with him because no one else will. I feel proud of her for reaching out to another child and trying to be a friend when no one else will.
In all the moments where I feel like I am failing and not being the best mom I can be, it is moments like that where I realize that I am doing some things right!
I felt proud recently though when Natalie and I were talking about school. There is a child in her class that has a reputation of being a bully. Anyway, she told me she plays with him because no one else will. I feel proud of her for reaching out to another child and trying to be a friend when no one else will.
In all the moments where I feel like I am failing and not being the best mom I can be, it is moments like that where I realize that I am doing some things right!
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