Emilie

I thought for my second post I would introduce my kids to you. This will be all about Emilie!

I had Emilie on March 8, 2001. We named her Emilie Marie and she was 7 pounds 9 ounces. She received her middle name because it is my middle name and it is her paternal grandmother's middle name. Then there was the added bonus of it being Steve's sister, Susan's middle name and my paternal grandmother's middle name.

My pregnancy with Emilie was pretty easy until the end when I started having problems with high blood pressure. I look back now and I was so clueless about how my life was about to change. I felt very alone because I was newly married, I was 20 years old and was in a foreign country. We were living in Japan at the time and still getting used to being there. Steve and I were still newlyweds and while he was excited and I knew I could count on him, it was hard having no family there. Thankfully I had a friend who I had worked with in Alaska who also got stationed in Japan shortly after we had moved there.

The day before my due date I went in to labor and delivery because I'd had a headache all day and just could not get comfortable. They checked my vitals and my blood pressure was 170/100 so the doctor decided it would be best to induce me. I was so not ready for what was to come! My labor lasted almost 36 hours from start to finish. Thankfully Steve was there the whole time and my friend, Brandy showed up and was there for the delivery...although, thinking about it now, I have no clue at what point during labor she did show up. She had been at the hospital for something not related to me and had the thought to see if I was there.

I was thankful for a healthy baby girl but I felt very disconnected from everything at the time. During my labor with her, I had an epidural because sitting in a bed for two plus days is just not comfortable and I hit a point where I needed rest. For me, the epidural worked too well and I felt nothing and for me, I think not being able to feel anything at all did not help with feeling bonded right away. It's something that's hard to discuss because every mother wants to feel that immediate bond with their brand new baby. I didn't...I loved her greatly but it felt at times that I was just going through the motions. After a few months, that bond was created but I felt guilty for quite awhile and felt like an awful mother. I have come to find though, that many mothers feel the same way it's just not really openly discussed.

Emilie is and always has been my easiest child. She has a sweet, kind and gentle spirit about her. She is now in 5th grade and growing into a beautiful young lady. She informed me recently that she is more than half way there to being an adult and moving out. That is exactly like something I would say or did say growing up to my own mom. I remember telling my mom when I started high school that until my youngest sister, Maggie graduated she'd always have some in high school. The similarities between parents and children is amazing sometimes!

I look forward to watching her grow up and seeing what awaits her!