Ethan

We adopted Ethan on December 14, 2011 here in Colorado. He was born on November 7, 2008 in Anchorage, Alaska. It's kinda hard to talk about this because while we are proud he's a part of our family and I want to share every little detail, I also want to be respectful to his birth parent's.

Early on in my marriage to Steve, I knew I wanted to adopt a child. I wanted to do an international adoption and to be quite honest, to this day, I still do but we will see if that path is ever presented to us. The path that was presented to us though was to adopt out of foster care.

We were asked if we were interested in adopting him in December, 2009 while we were living in Germany. We had been asked before but we weren't sure and prayed about it. So when we were asked again, we did not hesitate that time and in January, 2010, the state of Alaska asked us to find a social worker to start our home study. I got working quickly because we were given the impression that Ethan would be with is in February or March...and this would not be the first time we were told one thing and then have it change drastically. I found a social worker and we started the adoption process.

What we learned with foster care, is that you have to expect the unexpected. There are no certainties about anything and it requires a lot of patience...I would assume with adoption you would require a lot of patience but with foster care, many children are not legally free to adopt when you start the process. The entire point of foster care is to reunify children with their parents when they've been taken into custody. I could not agree more wholeheartedly that reunification should happen if it is at all possible and if it is safe for the child.

Once March came and went, we were told to expect to have Ethan in May or June and we continued working on our home study and other adoption paperwork. Then it was decided they would not send him until parental relinquishment had occurred. It was difficult for all of us. On the one hand, we were excited but there was sadness too. It was scary because if you open yourselves up and then you don't adopt this child, you will have a broken heart.

Parental relinquishment happened in July, 2010 and we were expecting to have him hopefully around September but again, there were more delays with getting his passport so he could travel. By the time Alaska was ready to send him to us, it was mid-November and we were getting ready to leave Germany for Alaska. So we ultimately decided it was not in any one's best interest to uproot Ethan for Germany and then uproot him again 6 weeks later.

We arrived in Alaska two days before Christmas and had Ethan placed with us while we were living with my parents. What we found when we were finally stateside was that we'd have to have Ethan in our physical custody for 6 months before they could proceed with the adoption. The point is to make sure the child adjusts well to your family and the family adjusts well to the child. What made the situation challenging was that we did not know if we were staying in Alaska permanently and if we weren't, when we would be moving.

In January, 2011 some questions were answered because Steve was offered a job with FEMA here in Colorado and he had a start date of February 28th. You would think that would make life a little easier but in fact it complicated it even more because our case then became an Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC) case. We were given permission to take Ethan out of the state of Alaska and bring him with us to Colorado.

We arrived here in Colorado and had to wait for a caseworker in the ICPC office to get in touch with us so we could start the adoption process all over again and start a new home study. Home studies are only good for one year and if you move, they need to be updated or redone. Thankfully we had a great caseworker here and she was quick to respond to any questions we had...which let's face it, we had a ton!

So we started more paperwork and trainings that were required in order to be licensed foster parents. We were given two options when we moved here. We could either proceed with the adoption after having Ethan for 6 months or become licensed foster parents and then proceed with the adoption. Children in foster care are put on Medicaid when they enter the system to cover their medical expenses. They are able to keep this if they are adopted until they are 18. Some children even qualify for adoption subsidies to help with their care once they are adopted. The subsidy is based off of their needs. The state does not pay you to be their parent but the state wants to make sure if they have extra needs, they are able to be met. In order to qualify for a subsidy, you have to be a licensed foster parent receiving a monthly stipend because otherwise they have nothing to base the subsidy off of. We chose to become licensed foster parents because Ethan does have some extra needs but also because we are interested in pursuing foster parenting beyond Ethan.

Our adoption and licensing process was long and it was partly because Steve was gone quite a bit once we moved here due to all of the flooding in North and South Dakota. We managed to get everything done though and have our home study finished over the summer. The next step then was Alaska accepting our home study and our foster care license and entering it into their system.

Once Alaska accepted our license we were able to finally be paid a monthly stipend. Because up until September 2011 we had not been licensed, we had not be compensated for Ethan's care. It wasn't a big deal but it was nice to finally receive something. Then the process of deciding Ethan's IV E eligibility had to happen and what that meant was trying to decide whether his subsidy would come from the federal or state level. If they are IV E eligible the money comes from the federal level and if they are not, the money comes from the state level. Our caseworker here was pushing hard for an adoption hearing for December, 2011 and everything was figured out by the end of November. It was a relief to finally be to the point where we were really ready and able to proceed with the adoption!

On December 14, 2011, we as a family all went to the court house and finalized the adoption. The girls were very excited..we all were! Ethan is now 3 years old and in pre-school. He loves playing with trains, cars and dinosaurs and LOVES to dance to music. It's a whole other world again having a toddler in the house and it's been challenging but we would not change any of it!

The reward was so great in the end!